Trust

God had put on my heart to start a bible study to encourage and empower women, but when summer came and went with no study, I felt that I had somehow disappointed Him.

The year following was one of great growth and self-discovery as I sought more and more to please my Mighty God.

Summer returned and so did my desire to initiate a women’s bible study.  This time I turned my thoughts into actions, and armed with the vision the Lord had given me and with the support of the Pastor’s wife, the Monday Morning Meeting on the Mountain was launched on June 4, 2012.  I had no idea what God had in store for me.

Six a.m., beginning of the week, who in their right mind would do such a thing?  But God called them and they came.  We began our walk/run with a somewhat steep climb.  We were to go at our own challenging pace, in silence, as we sought what the Lord would teach us as we met Him on the mountain.  When we returned 45 minutes later we would write our revelations with the choice to share them or to keep as private treasures, then we dove into Mark Chapter 1.

The insights shared by the women were enlightening.

Later that week I received an email from one of the women who, after conferring with some of the others, felt that it would be beneficial if we changed the format to allow conversing as we walked.  Unbeknownst to her, the Lord was using her in a powerful way.  I struggled with this concept, but I knew I should remain somewhat flexible.   I wanted to encourage the women to continue and reap the benefits of the study but would I be compromising?  This was all new to me as I had never led a women’s study before and I felt very conflicted.

 “Lord, I thought you clearly showed me what this study would look like?”  Do I change it?  What should I do?  His answer was clear.  And it was then that I realized, I was not meant to begin the study last year, He wanted a willing servant but there was more He had to teach me first.   He showed me how there will always be conflict when walking closely with Him and I needed to set my priorities.  Was I seeking to please Him, or was my priority to please people?  Because more often than not, the two would be in conflict. 

I avoid conflict like the plague, and confrontation brings me great discomfort so I have learned to keep the peace by avoiding both.  Not realizing that the best way to avoid conflict is to face it head on.

God used this situation in a powerful way by putting this lesson to the test, “Are you wanting to be a Me pleaser, or a people pleaser?”  Wow.  Time to apply what He’s teaching me, and now to respond to the women.  I sent out an email of encouragement to persevere.  There is much He is wanting to teach us in our private time with Him.

The following week I was feeling the shroud of discouragement as one person after another told me they were not going to be able to come for one reason or another.  Lord what do I do?  Again, His reply was clear.  He was calling, but it was not for me to be concerned with those that didn’t answer.  My task was to support, love and encourage the ones who do.

Each week, He has revealed so much to me that I wonder if this is more for my benefit.  The incredible revelations the women share to the insights on the passages, I have learned so much.  Each week He has also shown me a different element to add to our “walk” time and it is my challenge to present it to the women, each time working to get past the “people pleasing” side of me.

Week three, you’ve GOT to be kidding me.  Alright then, here it goes Lord.  I handed each of the women a horse with the simple instruction of walking with authority and they will respond.  I knew some of the women did not have experience in this area but I had to put my trust in a loving God as I prayed for safety.

The youngest horse in the herd had never been up the hill before and I sat back and watched in awe.  Full of fear and lack of trust, she refused to move.  The patience and perseverance of the woman was astounding.  Forward three steps back two.  Forward four steps back two.  Forward ten steps back three.  Each new step forward was a step toward uncertainty, back to the familiar, forward to the familiar and then new steps into uncertainty.  There was a goal, but it would not be rushed.  With kindness and gentle encouragement they were going to meet it successfully, arriving in trust. As I watched, I saw the parallel of our relationship with a loving, merciful God as He meets us in our uncertainty.   It swept over me like a flood.  He has a goal, a purpose for us.  He will challenge..and wait.  He will encourage..and wait.   I realize how much more "ground"would be covered, how much further I could go, if I disregard my own fears and put my trust fully in Him.  But He will not rush us, in His great mercy and love, we will arrive, together, in victory.

Routine

We all do it, everyday. We have our routine, it helps the day run smoothly. Predictable.
Any disruption/interruptions in routine, our flow of the day, can induce stress. Who we are, when our routine is disrupted is a good indication of our true character.
I thought, why do I, if I truly trust God, work so hard at keeping myself safe by staying in the familiar?
I decided to break out of routine, praying for sensitivity to the Holy Spirit and His leading. And when uncomfortable, keep my eyes on Him without returning to the familiar.
It was an early Saturday morning no one stirred except for the dog, who seemed to know the very moment I opened my eyes in the morning and loudly exclaimed it was time for our walk. Not wanting him to wake everyone in a house where sleep was precious due to a new baby, I obliged and we quietly slipped out.
In just 3 hours I would be doing my first 5K with my daughter and son-in-love so we'll have to make it a short one I thought. I decided to reverse our route.
I was intrigued that with such a simple change, I saw my route from a different perspective. I was noticing things that I had not noticed before despite the many times I passed this same way. How life circumstances can be much like this, if we take the time to see things from the "other side of the street" so to speak.
I was now coming to a part of my route where I questioned the turn to take so I decided to activate my "internal GPS" My God's Power Steering - Jesus. Today was not an intentional test of trust but here I was tossed into full dependence. I was finding myself in an area that was very unfamiliar. If I turned around, I would be relying on myself, the familiar, and I would not be fully trusting God and where He wanted to lead.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
I should mention at this point that I was in a country where I did not know the language,not familiar with the neighborhoods but as a side note, I did not leave home without wisdom, discretion, and a 100 pound Doberman.
As we walked, Fear asked to join us. I knew if I entertained Fear for even a little while he would refuse to leave and could dull the reception of my GPS. How to get rid of him while he is persistent? I began to sing. Praise songs to my Holy God. The declaration in song of Who He IS changed immediately my perspective of my situation and I began to pray. I prayed for direction. I prayed for family not to worry. I prayed to be home in time for the run we planned to do as a family.
Just in front of me I noticed a Polizzia Metro sign. I thought I would take my chances to head in that direction, even though it was early on a Saturday morning and the station may not be open. I walked around the corner in a desolate industrial area and noticed vendors setting up for the local Saturday market but no polizzia station.
What do I do now God?
Just then a Polizzia car pulled up to the market. Although I didn't know the language, I was able to communicate that I needed directions back to the area that I was staying in. One officer spoke broken english and insisted that I, and my rather large dog, get in the car and they would take me where I needed to be. I graciously and humbly accepted their offer. Not realizing that I had travelled quite a distance from home, I had the priveledged opportunity to talk to two of God's "angels".
I'm back home now, in my familiar home, in my familiar country but the lessons I learned in a brief moment in time will stay with me a lifetime.
I praise God that He hears us in our times of uncertainty, our times of trouble.
I praise God that He answers prayer, sometimes, just as it leaves our lips.
I praise God for guiding our steps, and when we are obedient, how we can be a blessing to others.
I praise God for the valuable lessons He teaches us about ourselves, about Him, when we have the courage to step out of the familiar.
I praise God for sending those uniformed angels and pray that I too can bring a blessing to others and give God the glory in return.

Let brotherly love continue. Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. Hebrews 13:1-2

Storms

I'm not a runner. 

But I've learned that the Great I AM is most completely the Great U  R.  Rarely does He tell us what we are not.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me Philippians 4:13
I cling to this truth when self doubt tries to invade my thoughts. And, although I would classify myself a slow learner, I am beginning to understand that when He says go, the wise don't hang around. 
He said Run.  and so I did. and have been ever since. 
The things revealed to me as I run are treasures. Some to keep, some to share.  The changes occuring physically can be a tangible mirror to the changes He is making within. 
Despite all the positive reasons to go, tonight, I put it off as long as could. Eventually I dragged myself to my starting point and began.  The pain as my muscles tightened, the pain as my lungs expanded and contracted to keep up with increased demand.  If only I had some water for my dry mouth. My thoughts were truly inward, MAN! what a complainer.
A quarter of my run finished, it began. Slowly and then more steady, the drops landing sporatically on the road ahead of me, an occasional one hitting my face.  Ah, how refreshing, the cool rain was!  Just the day before, however I looked upon it as a deterent of what I needed to accomplish, but today, it was just what I needed as I opened my mouth toward the sky to catch the falling droplets. 
Reaching the halfway point, the sky began to light up as lightening streaked the sky and thunder rocked the heavens.  Spectacular, truly spectacular!  I couldn't help looking up as I ran. 
The sun, trying to set amid the commotion, radiated a silver outline on the dark clouds which, in great collaboration framed a most glorious array of color.  Lightening, not to be outdone, continued with Thunder, and in unison accompanied me, now thoroughly drenched but completely invigorated by the Power surrounding me to a final strong finish.
I think of the Mighty God that orchestrated the timing of His beautiful display. Amazed once again by a fragmentation of His splendor. 
I reflect on the challenge I faced earlier just to get out of the door.  I think about everyone God brings across my path, how each one I meet, everyday, faces their own challenges, sometimes a storm, sometimes a season.
I reflect on this and I thank Him.  I am thankful that all of our challenges are hand picked for us by a loving, merciful God.  Challenges to make us stronger, experiencing victories through His Power so that when the time comes, we can be instrumental in leading others to victory.
I pray that you too have reason to thank our Mighty God, that through the Power of the Lord Jesus Christ, I can do anything, you can do anything. 
That when He says go, we are not alone,  He is there, every step. He is all that we need.
  

God listens to pleas and thank yous...SGKaplan

How one trains on the flat maybe indicative of how strong one will finish. Rather than conserve energy in anticipation of the next hill, draw upon God as the Ultimate Resource, listening always to His words of encouragement, pushing harder... increasing strength and endurance so that together, as the next hill approaches, you'll be ready for that one that may need to be carried. SGKaplan

Mediocrity is easy, excellence requires effort... Strive for excellence. SGKaplan

If we linger in the familiar, we miss out on the grand adventures God has for us. Be bold and courageous. SGKaplan

If the grass is greener...maybe it's time to water. SGKaplan

Wisdom and Intellect should meet more often. SGKaplan

If you choose to live without God in this life, expect to live without Him in the next...it'll be pure hell. SGKaplan

WE cannot give value to another but we can, with their permission, help to reveal that which they already possess. SGKaplan

Excellence

Excellence is not about being the fastest, strongest, smartest. Excellence is competing successfully within oneself. Achieving daily purpose triumphantly, pursuing victoriously the Still Small Voice that says one can when the louder, more persistent ones disagree. That...is when we win. SGKaplan

Fear and Faith

Excitement accompanies the birth of both Fear and Faith.
Fear and Faith are non threatening when young, but are offspring of two distinctly different fathers.
Fear and Faith both get stronger with regular exercise and the more they are fed, the larger they grow.
The longer Fear and Faith are allowed in, the more space they require however, they can never reside peacefully together, one will surely devour the other.
Be discerning in the decision of which to keep, as one is more persistent than the other.
One will steal, kill, and destroy and lead to death.
The other will protect, guide and comfort and lead to life.
You decide which to nurture. SGKaplan

Forgiveness

It was a late Friday afternoon when a neighbor called to borrow our horsetrailer. An unusual request coming from someone who didn't own animals.
He must have known what I was thinking, as he went on to explain that his neighbor's donkey had been attacked by a pitull and needed to be taken to the vet.
In a short time, two men pulled into our driveway and jumped out of their truck, one I recognized but the other I had never met before.
"Is that blood?" my husband asked the young stranger who, as I had just noticed was stained a dark reddish brown. Without waiting for an answer we both jumped into emergency mode.
Neither men had ever driven a horsetailer before and we thought now was not the best time to learn.
We loaded up the trailer and followed them to a nearby pasture where a brave little blood soaked miniature donkey, Guinevere, lay, partially restrained and partially supported by two other neighbors.
It took all of us to get the little grey and red body into the trailer but as soon as it was accomplished we set off for the 20 minute drive down the hill toward the vet.
It was decided that three of us would help support Guinevere in the trailer during the drive. I knew the road well but the ride seemed especially long with the winding turns, the rattling of the trailer dividers, and the cold air rushing through the open trailer windows, but I listened as each neighbor filled me in as to the events that had unfolded earlier in the day.
Martin, the young man stained with blood that I had first met in our driveway, had come home elated after a successful job interview following several months of unemployment. It was a beautiful day and he thought he would spend the rest of it with his best friend of five years, his dog. Upon returning to his parents house where he had been living temporarily, he left his dog unattended while he went inside which he now realized was a terrible mistake.
In a short time, the dog's preditor instinct kicked in and Guinevere who lived next door, was his unfortunate target. Martin was near tears as he spoke. He knew now that his mistake could cost his companion his life.
Steve, the other rider in the trailer and was holding to his own mix of emotions. The son-in-law of Guinevere's owner, he told he story of his father-in-law having to put down his own dog for the very same reason. Choosing to attack one of his miniature donkeys a few years earlier.
Weeks passed, but this particular Friday evening continued to plague my thoughts. I decided I would go back to the pasture where we initially picked up Guinevere and check on her progress.
As I drove up the now familiar drive toward an old barn, I saw a woman unloading a pickup. I would introduce myself, I thought, and see if she had any information. After I introduced myself and explained my small role in the events that had transpired a few weeks back, she asked if I wanted to see her horse. I thought it was a peculiar request, maybe she was just being friendly. She must have noticed my puzzled expression and she went on to explain as she led me into the dark barn where a beautiful white Arabian mare stood. "No one checked the other animals in the pasture", she said. The anger and bitterness resounded loudly as she spoke. "Look" she said as she pointed to the foreleg and chest area of her mare.
I couldn't believe what I was seeing, three weeks of healing still hadn't disguised the ground beef appearance across the front of the horse.
As I listened, my mind went back three weeks prior when I wrestled with my own emotions of judgment and empathy as a young bloodstained man came desperately seeking to try to rectify a situation that his momentary irresponsibility had caused. I witnessed how this one act of irresponsibility could have a ripple effect through a community, touching people who had not know each other previously. I was now seeing how unforgiveness could bind someone so tightly captive that their very essence was disfigured.
I'm not sure why God allows some things to happen and prevents others, but it was not in the too distant past that my own irresponsibilty did damage and effected others, but by the mercy of God, a lot of "what ifs"...did not.
Sadly, I learned that Guinevere was put to sleep a week following her attack due to unreparable nerve damage in her front leg. Martin's pit bull also was put down.
The beautiful white Arab's flesh wounds are still on the mend but it is often the wounds that we don't see that hurt the most and take God's healing hand to relieve...we just need to ask.
Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus said to him, I say not to you, until seven times: but, until seventy times seven. Matthew 18:21-22

Submission

Ew. Just the sound of the word makes the skin crawl of one raised in a "I can do" society. But as I listened to her story, the wisdom from someone half my age astounded me.
She told the story of wanting to go to her best friend's wedding overseas but her husband thought it more wise to invest the money in the purchase of a home. She knew the more logical answer but she could not deny the desire of her heart and did not want to miss this once in a lifetime opportunity. Out of obedience to her husband, but mostly to God who created order, she and her husband bought their first home together.
Shortly afterward, God, knowing her heart, blessed her for her obedience and provided a way financially for her and her husband to attend the wedding anyway.
I thought of my own situation, in my 23 years of marriage how I often, with an "I can do" attitude have contradicted my husband's wishes and had done things the way I sought fit instead. I had a lot to learn.
I know God is a God of order. To take Him at His word correctly we have to know that when He ordained the husband as the head of the household He was establishing His order, not a dominion. Wives were to be a helpmate, helping their husbands to be all that God had designed him to be and husbands were to love their wives, enabling her to be all that God had designed her to be.
I certainly was not holding up my end of the design.
I was determined to make a change. It was going to be a tough exercise for me but my husband, by perfect design would be, as he should be, the head of our home with my support.
This came to my mind rather forcefully one cold winter day in December while I was going through our budget looking for ways to cut costs so there would be more paycheck left at the end of the month to pay off looming loans.
I found that by reducing our auto insurance coverage we could have a little less going out each month.
As I picked up the phone to call the insurance company I was reminded that I should first call my husband.
He disagreed. WHAT?! how in the WORLD God do you expect me to follow someone who just doesn't UNDERSTAND?! UGH!! I'm the one that pays the bills, I'm the one that knows what we need....I pleaded my case....to Someone who already knew what we needed, the plans for me, for my family. Things that I didn't, couldn't understand. Trust.
Trust. Listen. Obey.
He never asks us to understand, He never says, nor implies that it will be easy. But the blessings will always far outweigh the cost.
As always, that day came and went and I actually forgot how angry and disappointed I had been.

I answered my phone in the middle of Costco on the other side of town expecting to joke in typical fashion with my witty neighbor when I was informed by her panicky voice that our horses were out by the highway near our home.
I dropped everything and raced for the car knowing that it would be at least 20 minutes before I got there. I felt helpless.
Please my God. You are the ruler of all creation, your creatures obey your every command. Please turn them away from the highway. PLEASE ALMIGHTY GOD do not let anyone or anything die or become seriously injured because of my negligence.
Early that cold crisp morning, I had turned the horses out into the lower pasture knowing full well that it was not completely fenced. I reassured my concerned husband that they would be fine.
I picked up the phone to call home.
With a house full of young adults that were never home, especially on a Friday night, I prayed that someone would be. By God's mercy and grace there was...a houseful. My husband, my two daughters, my son, my son-in-love, and three horsey girl friends, all jumped into action grabbing halters and lead ropes to look for 7 horses running somewhere between our home and the highway in 80 acres of filberts in the dead of night.
The cliche describes it well. It felt like an eternity before I pulled onto our street and into the orchard, where the previous rainfall created a sucking mud that prohibited my van from moving any further. Again I felt helpless. My husband must have seen my headlights as he pulled up behind me as I was getting out of my car.
Upon seeing his car, I burst into tears. The windshield was shattered and the hood dented. I did not want to know how it happened. Please Lord, I need you!
Just then I got a call from my daughter saying they had five of the horses and were headed for home. I needed to find the other two.
My husband and I returned to the pasture where I had mistakenly turned them out that morning and anxiously called into the cold night air, and prayed, and listened. A soft nicker arose in the black of the night and my trusted 23 year old mare appeared out of the darkness. The relief of seeing her was overwhelming and following closely behind her was the youngest horse in the herd. Thank you Lord...thank you.
With everyone safely back in the barn we went over each horse to find a few superficial wounds but nothing serious, again, thank you Lord.
But the car...
As the story goes, one of the horses spooked in the darkness, jumped between the headlights, fell onto the windshield and slid to the ground. How in the world would I explain this to the insurance company?
I gasped. I couldn't remember if, in my anger, I didn't just go ahead and cancel our full coverage on our vehicles.
Later that month we received a check for the value of the car, and, by the grace of God, were able to pay off one of those looming loans that I had been so concerned about. And, with a new windshield, the car is pretty much back to the way it was, with the exception of a few reminder "tap dance" marks on the hood.
I still have so much to learn, I count myself privileged to be able to serve a God with unlimited resources, wisdom and knowledge. He helps me to change through His power and Who is gentle in His rebuke and patient with me through the mistakes. Praise to a Loving Father.

Sweetly Broken

Thankful to a Mighty God, Who will always redirect, with the power that it takes to reclaim a life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NkzxwpQlXA