Trust

God had put on my heart to start a bible study to encourage and empower women, but when summer came and went with no study, I felt that I had somehow disappointed Him.

The year following was one of great growth and self-discovery as I sought more and more to please my Mighty God.

Summer returned and so did my desire to initiate a women’s bible study.  This time I turned my thoughts into actions, and armed with the vision the Lord had given me and with the support of the Pastor’s wife, the Monday Morning Meeting on the Mountain was launched on June 4, 2012.  I had no idea what God had in store for me.

Six a.m., beginning of the week, who in their right mind would do such a thing?  But God called them and they came.  We began our walk/run with a somewhat steep climb.  We were to go at our own challenging pace, in silence, as we sought what the Lord would teach us as we met Him on the mountain.  When we returned 45 minutes later we would write our revelations with the choice to share them or to keep as private treasures, then we dove into Mark Chapter 1.

The insights shared by the women were enlightening.

Later that week I received an email from one of the women who, after conferring with some of the others, felt that it would be beneficial if we changed the format to allow conversing as we walked.  Unbeknownst to her, the Lord was using her in a powerful way.  I struggled with this concept, but I knew I should remain somewhat flexible.   I wanted to encourage the women to continue and reap the benefits of the study but would I be compromising?  This was all new to me as I had never led a women’s study before and I felt very conflicted.

 “Lord, I thought you clearly showed me what this study would look like?”  Do I change it?  What should I do?  His answer was clear.  And it was then that I realized, I was not meant to begin the study last year, He wanted a willing servant but there was more He had to teach me first.   He showed me how there will always be conflict when walking closely with Him and I needed to set my priorities.  Was I seeking to please Him, or was my priority to please people?  Because more often than not, the two would be in conflict. 

I avoid conflict like the plague, and confrontation brings me great discomfort so I have learned to keep the peace by avoiding both.  Not realizing that the best way to avoid conflict is to face it head on.

God used this situation in a powerful way by putting this lesson to the test, “Are you wanting to be a Me pleaser, or a people pleaser?”  Wow.  Time to apply what He’s teaching me, and now to respond to the women.  I sent out an email of encouragement to persevere.  There is much He is wanting to teach us in our private time with Him.

The following week I was feeling the shroud of discouragement as one person after another told me they were not going to be able to come for one reason or another.  Lord what do I do?  Again, His reply was clear.  He was calling, but it was not for me to be concerned with those that didn’t answer.  My task was to support, love and encourage the ones who do.

Each week, He has revealed so much to me that I wonder if this is more for my benefit.  The incredible revelations the women share to the insights on the passages, I have learned so much.  Each week He has also shown me a different element to add to our “walk” time and it is my challenge to present it to the women, each time working to get past the “people pleasing” side of me.

Week three, you’ve GOT to be kidding me.  Alright then, here it goes Lord.  I handed each of the women a horse with the simple instruction of walking with authority and they will respond.  I knew some of the women did not have experience in this area but I had to put my trust in a loving God as I prayed for safety.

The youngest horse in the herd had never been up the hill before and I sat back and watched in awe.  Full of fear and lack of trust, she refused to move.  The patience and perseverance of the woman was astounding.  Forward three steps back two.  Forward four steps back two.  Forward ten steps back three.  Each new step forward was a step toward uncertainty, back to the familiar, forward to the familiar and then new steps into uncertainty.  There was a goal, but it would not be rushed.  With kindness and gentle encouragement they were going to meet it successfully, arriving in trust. As I watched, I saw the parallel of our relationship with a loving, merciful God as He meets us in our uncertainty.   It swept over me like a flood.  He has a goal, a purpose for us.  He will challenge..and wait.  He will encourage..and wait.   I realize how much more "ground"would be covered, how much further I could go, if I disregard my own fears and put my trust fully in Him.  But He will not rush us, in His great mercy and love, we will arrive, together, in victory.